Anxiety about feelings to come

First let me preface this with the first half of my relationship with my husband was long distance. It was rough. I tried to visit him on weekends when I could. When I went back home the first night was always the hardest. Now we are married and I haven’t been away from him for a year. This weekend we were supposed to go on a camping trip with my family. However, he forgot to ask off, even though we knew about it for a month…. Anyway, now it’s just going to be me going. My mom and my sister will be there, along with my sisters husband and my little brother. There will be more people as well since it is for my little brothers Boy Scout troop and their families. It’s not like I will be alone for the two nights like I was at the beginning of my relationship. 

Now more to the point of the post. At first when I found out that my husband had to work, I was ok. I mean I was frustrated that he never asked off, but I was ok that he wasn’t going to be with me. As it comes closer to the time (I leave on Friday), I am starting to feel the anxiety and the pit in my chest…. Or stomach…or whatever. I can feel myself breaking down and not wanting to go anymore because he won’t be there. I already feel myself missing him SO much. Does that make me sound pathetic? I know I don’t need him to be myself. That’s not the issue. I don’t know. The idea of not being near him really is getting to me and freaks me out. I will have fun I’m sure, but knowing I’m going to miss him is making me anxious about the whole situation. Does that makes sense? 


How my mind works

I know I’m awkward. I used to shy away from it, but now I just embrace it. I don’t always think the same way others do and I don’t always like the same things that others do. I’d say I’m pretty eclectic in my interests which makes me know a little about a lot.

I feel that I have some undiagnosed social anxiety. Lots of people in one area really freak me out (especially if I’m expected to stay in that area). 

I always want people to ask me to hang out and do things, but when it’s almost time to leave I always feel anxious and think it was a mistake to say yes.

 I don’t like friend requesting people I know (or don’t know, obviously) on social media because I’m afraid that they don’t like me as much as I like them. 

I’m quiet until I’m spoken to directly because I’m afraid that people won’t think what I say is right or important. 

An outing with one friend is fine, but more than that it feels like a chore. 

When I finally do start talking to someone, I always go home and feel like what I said was stupid and then regret the whole encounter for the rest of the night.