A lot has happened since last we spoke….. Or since last I spoke I suppose…. My car broke down on the way to my camping trip, so I was all anxious for nothing because I wasn’t even able to go. My car is now parked in front of my apartment. Engine won’t even turn on. So there’s that. Some say it might not even be worth fixing…not like I have the money for that anyway.
The other night I got an email saying I was 2 months behind on paying back my student loans. I wasn’t even informed I was supposed to start paying that back now. Of course the monthly payment is more than one of my paychecks. I haven’t told my husband about it because I don’t want him to worry about it just yet.
And to top it all off, there was an incident at work involving me and another team member and 2 supervisors. I won’t give details but according to our boss, I wouldn’t get in trouble for admitting what happened. I told them I didn’t remember fully but gave them what I did know. Then they came back telling me that my story didn’t match so they might have to get hr involved because if I’m found purposefully fabricating my story, I could get fired. Fantastic.
So all in all I’m pretty much a ball of stress. I don’t know how I keep getting up each day because I feel like everything is just falling apart.
So it’s been a few days. Either been working or sleeping. At least that’s what it feels like. Nothing good happened. Nothing bad happened. Just here. I feel like a robot sometimes. Is this adulthood? There has to be something more right? But after work im just too tired or can’t even think about going out. I feel drained. The outside world drains me. Is that weird? A friend of mine wants to hang out and I haven’t seen her in a while, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. I haven’t had a day off in almost a week. Maybe that’s why I feel like this. Back to decompressing. I won’t be away for long this time. Promise.
At work, I just received another evaluation and guest service audit. The evaluation has three areas: safety, guest service, and job performance. You can either get a poor, satisfactory, or role model in each one. (According to some higher ups, you can only ever get satisfactory in safety…..). Poor means you don’t do what is involved in each category. Satisfactory means you do what is required. Role model means you go above and beyond what is expected. We get one of these every 30 days. In the beginning I was only getting satisfactory. Then I started to get role model in job performance. I was really excited because it is supposedly hard to get that. Then, finally, after taking all the pointers given to me by my supervisors, I finally got a role model status in guest service. I’m actually excited because when I first started I had so much improvement that needed to be done. What sucks is when I express my excitement to other team members they tell me they don’t care about their evaluations. I thought about it…. It’s not like we get a raise or whatever. In my mind, however, if I have to be here, I want to be the best that I can be. I want to show improvement. I like knowing my hard work is acknowledged. Is being a cashier at an amusement park a career? Well no, but it’s important to always do your best I would think, no matter how small the job. I wish others shared my view.